This afternoon I was again reminded that there is a lot of elbow-grease to friendship...or for that matter any relationship. I think that the hardest parts of being in a relationship is to stop assuming that everyone is on the same page. I was cleaning my studio, when my hisband brought me the phone. It was my dearest friend here in this time and place, and we have almost a 18 year history. She called not visit but with an agenda to clear the air.
There were alot of hurt feelings on her part about what she felt the distance was, I was amazed as the generalizations poured and the assumption piled up. I was speechless.And in tears.
It turned out to be one of those times when a misunderstanding is not unknotted when it happens. It gets discussed with others who support the hurt and each imagined or real bump in the road only fuels the fire.
It took an hour to figure all of this out. We do not have a problem and we love eachother a great deal. Just each dropped stitch in knitting needs to be tended too, each concern needs to be addressed. Involving others no matter how well intended does not straighten things out. In the past ( long past) I have evn found those who would fuel the fires to destroy a friendship hoping to "own" one of the divided.
We both relsovled to be clearer and to nuture what we may have taken fore granted.
An example ..... she wondered why she was not being invited to any of our doings at our house since she became single.....when I explained that in the past year there had only been 2 doings, Easter last and Christmas and she had been at both here....it unknotted. We have not entertained this year at all......just 6 family for Sunday dinner ( nuclear.) OH!...she had assumed she was being left out and passed over.
Never stir the pot of another's friendship. Being a good listener is not something you need to open your mouth and advise for....JUST OPEN YOUR EARS !!!
I sign off emotionaly exhausted with just as messy a room to face.
Janet
