Advent

How differently the world is feeling this year. Maybe it is me, maybe it is the world....I am not sure. I am amazed at how little time there is to be responsible enough for the family my husband and I have created let alone be reponsible for reaching out and being accountable to others. I marvel and feel lesser when I notice someone with a capasity for neverending giving and no-one feels shortchanged. I feel shortchanged a lot by energy and there are many in my life who state all kinds of times that I short change them.
Being an artist makes me feel selfish. It is my job but it is the kind of job that has overtime everyday and invades everything. It would be nice to rise and leave and separte my life into states of time and effort that are more tangible to all... or to be making enough money that no one would think twice about interupting.
I feel lonely in this struggle. And I feel alone in my calling. It is a ministry and I feel as though I am struggling to stay on an even keel.
I need to get away from here, even for a short walk each day. This week will bring that and making my bedroom up each morning. If I cannot leave the house at least I can leave one room ready to come back to with no guilt.
I hate fibro and what it has and is doing to my soul. I am feeling older now.
Janet